Irish Times
__________________________________

Health Supplement 28 December 2004
How to make the truth: use the right words.

 
Carmel Wynne

There is a saying that ‘There are three sides to every story – yours, mine and the truth’.

The final days of December are the ideal time to look at your life, learn from the past and set realistic, achievable goals for the coming year.

To reflect on your life it’s helpful to review the cycles of changes you have gone through in the varied stages of your family, social and professional life.

When you believe something – whether it is positive or negative, empowering or disempowering – you act as if this is true for you.  It’s vital to pay attention to the language you use as you recall your accomplishments.

Giving time to reflection is an interesting and fascinating exercise.  The degree to which you believe your own words affects the quality of your life because you use language to represent your experience.

All of your thinking, reasoning and fantasising is done in words.  If you imagine how good it feels to keep your New Year’s resolutions you are fantasising and that fantasy will powerfully motivate you to succeed.

You create your model of the world with language that is based on your beliefs and perceptions.  This helps explain what occurs when family members argue over the story of what happened last Christmas.

If my memory is that Auntie Mary drank a little too much and was very funny my perception of what happened is valid for me.

If you say she was drunk, silly and obnoxious your experience is different.  Your perception is valid for you.

We each respond to the story that we perceive is true.  In that situation I am right and you are right too.

Words symbolise your internal experiences.  They shape your mental attitudes when you reflect on your model of the world

I’d love to be with you now to hear how you talk to yourself about time.  The language you use is revealing.

Some of you will think about giving time to reflection.  Others will steal or take the time to do so.  Others still will create a timeframe for the task.

Words can literally change your mind.  Awareness of language is a powerful tool.  When you change what you say to yourself you alter your perception and recollections.

Your memories of what happened in your childhood, adolescence and adulthood are valid for you.  You now understand that if others don’t share your memories and their perceptions are very different from yours nobody is lying.  You simply have different recall.

Happy and painful memories of childhood events retain the power to touch us emotionally.  If you hold memories that still hurt you those painful recollections are generated by you and not the event itself.

Your response is to what you tell yourself and how you make meaning of what happened in the past.  The event itself cannot be changed.  When you rephrase what you say to yourself about your own or someone else’s part the effect is instantaneous.

If your internal dialogue is ‘I was stupid’ you are making a judgement about your behaviour that generates negative feelings.  Alter that statement to ‘I was naïve’ and you produce a different emotional response.

If my internal dialogue is ‘You behaved irresponsibly’ I will have one response.  If I say to myself ‘He didn’t understand the consequences’ this insight changes my perception and softens my response.

You change your understanding of what happened when you bring adult insights to the motivation of those involved.  Your expectations, wishes, fears, prejudices and memories powerfully influence how you think and act in any situation.

Flexibility, the ability to adjust your emotions, thoughts and actions to changing situations helps you develop the ability to reflect on your beliefs.  Testing the reality of what you say to yourself is the key to holding onto positive life-enhancing beliefs and discarding limiting ones.

The capacity to see things as they are requires time to search for objective evidence.  The benefits of reflection include awareness of your thought processes, fresh insights, clarity of perception and inner calm.

Regular time for self-reflection is probably the most precious gift that you can give yourself this New Year.


Back To Irish Times Index
 __________________________________

Back To Top