Irish Times
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Health Supplement 23 November 2004
Positive thinking can help end ‘self-sabotage’
Carmel Wynne
One reason why people
don’t achieve their potential is they fear failure. They sabotage
possible success with the negative belief ‘I can’t’ and fail to challenge
the veracity of that statement.
Your expectations of what
you can achieve today are based on past experiences and old beliefs. One
traumatic childhood failure can so damage self-esteem that in adulthood
you still doubt your own abilities.
Most of us are unaware of
how we limit our achievements and sabotage our efforts with negative
internal dialogue. We generalise from a childhood experience of failure
without ever realising the long-term impact it has on our lives.
What you think and feel
is very real to you. When you examine the logic behind your thinking you
may find unhelpful beliefs that limit your potential to achieve.
Hardly anyone is fully
aware of their motives for the choices they make. There are many parts
within you and each part has its own beliefs, attitudes and feelings.
When these parts are in
conflict you feel stressed. Have you ever found yourself fighting with
yourself because two different parts were in conflict?
Perhaps one part wanted
to play golf while another part believe you should spend time with the
family. Whether or not you are aware of these internal conflicts they
affect how you feel and motivate yourself.
Self-awareness is the
first step in recognising your internal dialogue, the conversations you
have in your mind. If you tell yourself ‘I can’t’ you have a limiting
belief that shuts the door on change.
Say ‘I can’t yet’ and you
introduce the possibility that when you take action, read a book, go to
classes, take a course you can. ‘I can’t’ is a self-sabotaging belief
that robs you of motivation and discourages effort.
Every time you say to
yourself ‘I can’t’ without exploring your other options you are engaging
in self-sabotage. Negative judgements regarding what you believe you can
achieve can be traced back to the voices of the authority figures in your
childhood.
Check out how you engage
in self-sabotage. Become familiar with your own internal dialogue. Listen
to and challenge that little inner voice that nags you about what you must
do.
Psychotherapist Albert
Ellis suggested that any time a person thinks ‘I must, I should, I ought
or I have to, he or she is ‘musturbating’. A healthy response is to
change ‘I must’ to ‘I want to’ or ‘I chose not to’.
Let me explain. Anytime you do something because you want to you are
in control of your own actions. You feel empowered. If you do
the identical action because you have to you are disempowered.
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